Cut These 4 Words to Instantly Tighten Your Prose
Don’t worry—everyone does it. We stuff our prose full of filler words and excessive modifiers in an attempt to get our point across just right.
I am not an editor who feels the need to remove every single bit of filler from a romance novel, because sometimes it simply doesn’t matter. Sometimes, wordy prose is not a detriment to the novel and the story is still highly readable. For the romance genre, the most important things to me are readability and the emotions elicited in the reader.
But there are still some words I always delete from rough drafts; and you should, too, if you want to work on your prose.
That
If the sentence can be understood without the word “that”, I delete it. Too many “that”s make the prose wordy and over-stuffed.
Example 1: “She showed him the purse that she bought yesterday.”
Example 2: “Do you think that you can climb that tree?”
Then
If you look at the sentence I wrote for “That”, you will see what I mean.
For example, I didn’t write: If the sentence can be understood without the word “that”, then I delete it.
Another way writers overuse “then” is by describing a character’s actions. This can be tedious to read.
Example 1: “Robert locked the door to his apartment, and then he drove to work.”
Fix: “Robert locked the door to his apartment and he drove to work.”
(Pro tip, I would suggest deleting such a minute detail as someone locking their door anyway; unless it was important to the plot that Robert remembered locking his door because, later, someone would break in.)
Very (or Really)
If you are using descriptive enough language, you don’t need these modifiers to get your point across. The word “very” is a great way to ensure you are telling rather than showing, because if you can describe how the character feels in other ways, you likely won’t need to use “very”.
Example 1: Janet cried very hard.
Fix: Janet sobbed.
Fix 2 (showing): Janet’s whole body shook as she sobbed. She went through a whole box of tissues that night.
Said (and Other Excessive Dialogue Tags)
Of course, you can’t cut every dialogue tag, but sometimes people overuse the word “said”. If it is already clear who is speaking through action or other description, you don’t need to also clarify by saying, “John said.”
Example: John picked up the knife. “Don’t come any closer!” he said.
As a general rule when using modifiers: If the sentence makes sense without the word, it’s usually better to get rid of it. Go through your rough draft and see if you have overused any of these 4 words. Your writing will read much stronger without them!