4 Places MM Romance Writers Over-Explain (and How to Fix It)
1. The chapter one backstory info dump
I have edited countless manuscripts where the author starts chapter one really well… and then takes a nose-dive into info dumping territory. The first chapter should run at a relatively quick pace and get the reader hooked on the story. That leaves no room for exposition and backstory. The reason? It’s boring, tedious, and unnecessary.
In my opinion, backstory should be revealed subtly through dialogue, inner life, and other “showing” techniques. You should think of yourself as Hansel or Gretel, leaving crumbs of backstory for the reader to take in as the story rolls along.
Here’s an example of over-explaining backstory:
Amy sat at the coffee shop where she was about to meet her blind date, Steven. Amy hated first dates, especially blind ones, because none of them had ever gone right for her. When she was in college, she decided to give dating apps a try for the first time. Her first date ever was with a man called Mike. She had arrived at the restaurant and couldn’t find him, until an older man came up to her asking, “Are you Amy?” She was shocked because if this was Mike, he was much older than his picture. The next time she tried was no better. She was supposed to meet Arthur….
The fix:
Amy fiddled with a napkin as she watched the door open repeatedly as customers came into the cafe. When her date walked in, would she recognize him? Would he recognize her? She was wearing the blue headband she had told Steven she would, to make it easier.
When the door opened and a tall man with brilliant blue eyes walked through and he caught her gaze, her pulse picked up. As he walked over to her, smiling, she exhaled steadily and smiled back.
“Amy?” he asked.
“Steven?” she countered, with a tilt of her head.
He grinned and pulled out the chair across from her. “I like your headband,” he said with a dimpled grin. “It’s very cute.”
She let go of her shredded napkin and twirled a piece of her hair instead, laughing breathily. “Thanks,” she said. “Sorry, I’m kind of nervous. I hate blind dates.”
“Bad experience?”
She’d had bad experiences, alright. She cringed as she remembered showing up to dates with men who looked much older than their pictures, or who were an hour late, making her think she’d been stood up. But she probably shouldn’t dive into all that with Steven.
Do you see how in the Fix, I employed inner life in her brief recollection, and showing Amy’s nerves with her fiddling hands? It’s the combination of telling and showing that immerses the reader into the story: because this story is about Amy and Steven, in the present, not about all of Amy’s past relationships. In this case, it’s not as important to spell them out as to hint at them.
2. Over-explaining feelings (instead of showing them)
It can be tempting to want to explain how much your protagonist cannot stop thinking about their love interest. You want to get your point across: my hero is pining over here! So you write a paragraph or two telling the reader exactly this… when you really should be showing it through the protagonist’s actions!
That is easier said than done, and surely it requires practice. I’m not saying it’s easy. But over-explaining feelings is a common trap romance writers fall into, and it actually kills the romantic tension as opposed to enhancing it.
It’s one thing to tell your reader, ‘my hero is pining’, and another thing altogether to make them feel it themselves.
And there is no quick fix for this. Start by brainstorming ways your protagonist would demonstrate his angst.
For example, does he keep checking his phone to see if the heroine has texted? Does he think about her when he’s at a coffee shop and recalls her preferred coffee order? Is he distracted at a work meeting? Does he re-read a letter she wrote him so many times that the paper tears?
When you show the pining, the reader can feel it in their own body instead of just imagining it intellectually. That creates a stronger bond to your characters and to your story, as well as a more immersive reading experience.
This advice goes for all the important chemistry-inducing feelings in your novel, of course, not just pining. Think about ways to combine telling and showing so that feelings aren’t just explained through exposition.
3. World descriptions (that don’t serve a purpose to the main plot)
Writing chemistry is very difficult, especially if you’re new to the craft; and sometimes new writers will write anything other than tackle the challenge of showing chemistry on the page. It can be much easier to write a few paragraphs about the setting, over-describing and painting a picture. That’s why this is a trap I see a lot of authors fall into.
Of course, world building is important. And with romantasy being such a popular new genre, the fantasy element of such stories makes world building essential. But there’s a difference between describing just enough and describing too much because it’s easier than doing the tension-building work.
Over-describing isn’t a substitute for the romantic tension and chemistry needed to sustain the novel.
Just like anything else, description of the world of the story should be meted out strategically and with purpose. Of course, you want to describe enough in order to immerse your readers. But try to do it in a way that compliments the backbone of character interaction, rather than through exposition or info dumping.
For instance, don’t spend two paragraphs describing a forest and then show the two characters riding on horseback through it. Instead, weave in little descriptions of what they encounter as they’re riding, and only details pertinent to their own experiences.
Maybe while riding through said forest, your hero is smacked in the face by a large branch with bright green foliage. This makes the heroine laugh, making him angry, and therefore causing tension. You implied that the forest is dense with trees, and it served in the character’s interactions.
A combination of telling and showing is essential to describing the story’s world. And don’t spend too much time painting pictures of the world, while neglecting the character’s interactions.
4. The side quest trap
There is only one plot in romance: the two protagonists fall in love despite all obstacles. Everything else that happens, including side quests, should be in service to this main plot.
Side quests can be so much fun, but only if they are related to the obstacle that keeps our lovers apart. If you are taking them on a quest to address one of those obstacles, then that’s great! You can probably keep it in, and your editor can tell you if you need to cut it down or speed it up, or if it’s just perfect.
You can also do side quests that relate the character’s own self-discovery (since not being fully self-aware is usually an obstacle to love). For instance, if your character is generally selfish, and part of their journey is fixing that flaw in order to be worthy of love, then you may want to show them spending time and energy throwing a surprise birthday party for their best friend.
HOWEVER… this is usually a place in your novel where I would NOT recommend “showing” through long scenes and/or a whole chapter dedicated to this surprise party. Here is one of the few places where I, as an editor, would recommend telling rather than showing. The reader wants to know this new information, and then go promptly back to seeing the pairing together on the page again.
Which Service Helps With This?
This edit focuses on the literary elements of the story. I look at the Big Idea and genre-specific aspects of the novel. In a romance novel, for instance, I will give you feedback on the development of the romance and its emotional impact. You may also request specific types of feedback.
What's included:
Plot holes & inconsistencies
Character development & arcs
World building elements
Relationship development (if romance)
Genre conventions
More/whatever applicable.
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What makes a story unforgettable to readers are the emotions it elicits in them. If you want to improve your writing and really grip a reader’s imagination, try this add-on. I will point out where your work needs more showing (and where telling is fine!), where your characters need more interiority, and how to develop the emotional elements of your story.
Price based on the first 80,000 words. $25 applies for each extra 10,000 words.